I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
