I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize