puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
