I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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