Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
