theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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