Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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