3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have fence marks all over my body
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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