please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
