dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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