one two three fourrrrnication!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
