I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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