I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
