I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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