I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize