So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Soap is not a condiment
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
