Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
