You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
