I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
