hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
