So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Randomize
