His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
