the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
