Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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