i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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