i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
