Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
