brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A bitchslap is in order.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize