Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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