Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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