Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
