I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
