her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
