Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
