Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
