why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
