if you like me you must not know who I am
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
