He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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