woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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