So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize