WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
