if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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