matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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