This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
