I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
