My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
