I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
