I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
