how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
