I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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