i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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