So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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