FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
