I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
