He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
