Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
