Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
