I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
