So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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