I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
