I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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