I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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