I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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