I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
