She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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