I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
