every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
