i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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