I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
