Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
