we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
